


two slow dancers

by iwasfollowingyou



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Fluff, I Love You, M/M, Slow Dancing, because old gays deserve rights too, because we deserved more of it, idk how to tag this it's just soft and cute, josh using coping strategies for his ptsd, leo is a repressed gay i will die on this hill, there's also a hint of leo/lord marbury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 11:12:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17344247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwasfollowingyou/pseuds/iwasfollowingyou
Summary: Josh’s cheeks flushed, which he could totally blame on the alcohol, and he glanced around, checking to see if anyone was watching their exchange. Those near them seemed to be engrossed in their own conversations. He leaned in close to Sam, his lips dangerously close to his ear. “Dance with me?”





	two slow dancers

Josh had never believed in the whole “their eyes met across the room” trope in novels and movies. He had always figured that in a room with hundreds of people, it would be next to impossible to spot exactly the person you were looking for the second you entered. However, as he walked into the ballroom with Donna, his eyes were immediately drawn to the other side of the room, across a crowd of tables and chairs and people dressed to the nines, to settle on Sam. He was laughing with a small group of people, head thrown back, a glass of wine in his hand, a pristine white shirt clinging to his chest and black jacket framing his shoulders. Josh’s mind went blank for a second.

“Josh,” Donna muttered, elbowing him. He glared at her and rubbed his side.

“Ow.”

“Oh, don’t be a baby. I barely touched you.” She slipped her arm through his and pulled him into the sea of people. Almost immediately, Josh lost sight of Sam, and shook his head to clear his thoughts. He couldn’t be distracted by Sam, not by his pretty smile or hair or laugh or how amazing he looked in a suit…

Another nudge from Donna helped him refocus, and he turned his attention back to the party happening around him. Several people, both those Josh recognized and those who he could swear he had never seen before, stopped them to say hello and shake hands. Donna and Josh each grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter, and Donna left his side to go mingle. Josh stood alone near one of the high tables, sipping his drink and watching the crowd.

When he was younger, he wasn’t much of a fan of fancy events. School dances were a hellhole; weddings and funerals and the like were boring, tedious wastes of time. He still didn’t love black tie events; they just weren’t his thing, but as a senior White House staffer, they were much more enjoyable than they had been when he was an awkward teenager (and black tie meant that he got to see Sam dressed up, and that was always a plus). Showy events were where Sam was in his element. He was smart and likeable and incredibly good at charming people (which Josh knew from his own personal experience). He could sweep women off their feet, joke with even the oldest, grumpiest delegates, and leave everyone slightly dazed after he left one conversation to jump into another. He was a natural at this stuff. Josh, though, preferred staying out of the way as much as possible, consuming alcohol and hors d'oeuvres to his heart’s content, and only interacting with others when absolutely necessary.

“Joshua!” a loud, boisterous voice called out. He turned towards its source.

“Lord Marbury.” He forced a smile. “Enjoying your evening?”

“As much as one can, my dear friend. Would you happen to know Gerald’s whereabouts?”

Josh raised an eyebrow. “You know, I haven’t seen him, but as soon as I do, I’ll make sure to let him know you were looking for him.”

“Marvelous. A thousand thanks, Joshua.”

“No problem.” He finished off his champagne as the British ambassador left him, then grabbed a second glass.

An octet was playing up on a low platform, and several couples had taken to the dance floor. Something tugged in Josh’s chest as he looked at the people swaying to the music. He sighed, turning away and holding his drink carefully out of the way as he wove through the crowd. The music surrounded him, hammering at his skull. It shouldn’t have bothered him — he hadn’t had an attack in months — but his breathing was speeding up and his hands beginning to get sweaty. There was a dull pain in his ribs, just underneath his heart. He pushed his way past people, setting his glass down on a table as he made it out of the room and away from all of the stimulation. He leaned against a wall and took a few deep breaths, trying to remember the way that his therapist had taught him. The panic slowly faded, and he focused on counting his breaths now, slowly rubbing over the scar through his shirt.

“Josh?” He opened his eyes and straightened up.

“Hey, Ceej.”

“Are you okay?” She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. It helped cement him in reality, and he focused on her touch as he brought himself down.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just got overwhelmed in there, you know?” He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair.

“Do you want me to go find Sam?” She looked concerned still.

“No, no. Don’t bother him. I’m good.” There was no need to mess up Sam’s night over a stupid attack. “I just needed a minute to breathe.”

CJ nodded. “Alright. Well, if you need anything…”

“I’m okay. Thank you.” He smiled at her, though it wasn’t completely genuine. He hated when people made a big deal out of his PTSD. He was an adult; he could handle himself. But it wasn’t CJ’s fault she was overstepping. They had all been worried about Josh since he first started showing symptoms, and his therapist often used that when he wanted to remind Josh that he had people who cared about him. “Enjoying the party?”

“I haven’t even _gone_ to the party yet. I had to do a briefing, then one of the reporters wouldn’t leave me alone about a rumor about Zoey and some European prince. As if anyone cares about that.”

Josh laughed quietly. “Those gossip columnists really never chill out, do they?”

“You’re telling me.” She shook her head. “I always tell them that we don’t comment on rumors, but they never learn. You’d think they’d get the hang of it _eventually_.”

“They’re reporters, CJ. They never get the hang of anything.”

She laughed. “You wanna come in with me, or do you need another minute?”

“Nah, I’m good. Let’s go.”

He followed her back into the ballroom. The octet was still playing, and he took another deep breath to fend off more hyperventilation. After a moment, his brain figured out that it was, in fact, a harmless piece of music and not the sound of sirens, and he didn’t have a bullet in his chest. Josh straightened out his tie and fixed the cuffs of his sleeves underneath his jacket, trailing at CJ’s heels as she made her way around, greeting everyone that they passed. Josh stood slightly behind her, still tense, but managed to engage in conversation with several people. No one would ever have guessed that he had been on the verge of a panic attack ten minutes earlier.

Three glasses of champagne later, Josh was just past tipsy and finally starting to enjoy the party. He even half-laughed at a joke told by an Idaho senator. Looking around the room, he caught sight of Leo. He was about to go over to him and tell him that his favorite Englishman was looking for him when Leo caught his eye and mouthed “ _Help me_ ,” and Josh realized that the man Leo was talking to was Lord Marbury himself. Josh considered his options, but Leo was glaring at him now, and he knew he was in for it if he didn’t rush to assist him. He politely excused himself from his conversation with the senators and walked over to Leo and his best friend.

“Hello,” he greeted them. Marbury spun to face him.

“Joshua! Marvelous!” He clapped Josh on the back, and Josh almost stumbled forward, but caught himself. “I was just telling Gerald here about some wonderful English traditions. I really do enjoy the parties here much more, and you Americans’ love for alcohol is quite delightful, though our get-togethers across the pond are a bit more _sophisticated_.” Josh raised an eyebrow and glanced around. He wasn’t sure you could get much more sophisticated than a black tie gala at the White House, but then again, they weren’t British. He guessed that added another level of sophistication that no American could ever hope to reach.

“That’s really interesting, Lord Marbury. Don’t you agree, Leo?”

If looks could kill, Josh would have been dead on the floor. Leo spoke through gritted teeth. “Very interesting.”

“Gerald, you _must_ come to England someday. I would be delighted to introduce you to our wonderful social engagements.”

Josh’s eyes widened as he realized what was going on. _Oh, Leo…_ He broke into a grin, and Leo shot him another look. “Oh, I think you should _definitely_ go visit with him, Leo. I think you’d have a great time.”

“Thanks for that, Josh.”

“Come see the world a little, Gerald!” Marbury said cheerfully. “You can’t spend your whole life cooped up inside this building!”

“I’ll think about it. We’re usually pretty busy around here.”

“But Bartlet can’t be President forever. You’ll deserve a vacation after this is all through,” Josh replied.

Marbury seemed pleased enough with that. Josh smiled innocently at Leo, and received another glare. Oh, well. He figured the Englishman deserved some semblance of a chance, even if his flirting wasn’t exactly top notch. Everyone could use a little bit of help every once in a while.

Someone cleared their throat behind Josh, and he turned around.

“Hey.” He grinned.

“Hi.” Sam ducked behind him, trying to avoid Marbury’s gaze, but failed.

“Samuel, old chap!”

“Nice to see you, Lord Marbury. How are you doing?” he asked cordially, holding his hand out. Marbury ignored the gesture and pulled Sam into a hug, kissing each cheek before backing away.

“Brilliantly, just brilliantly. The writing was impeccable tonight, as usual. And do pass that message onto Tobias.”

“Thank you. I’ll make sure I let him know.” Sam nodded. “Do you mind if I borrow Josh for a quick second?”

“Oh no, not at all! It will give me more time to tell Gerald about Her Majesty’s galas.”

Sam gently pulled Josh away from the group, keeping his voice low. “CJ told me you had an attack. Are you okay?”

Josh nodded, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Sam was just being an overly concerned boyfriend. He considered it his job to worry. “It wasn’t a real attack. I just got a bit overwhelmed with all the noise and stuff. I’m good. Don’t worry. Seriously, no big deal.”

“Okay, well, I made sure your meds were in your bag this morning, so if you need them, they’re there.”

Despite the annoyance of everyone making a big deal out of it, the fact that Sam had planned ahead for him made Josh want to kiss him. Instead, he simply nodded. “I’m okay. But thank you.”

Sam squeezed his shoulder lightly, then dropped his hand, a soft smile on his lips. “Having a good night?”

“Yeah, I guess. You’re definitely popular with this crowd.”

“I know. My good looks and charm are a curse, I tell you. A curse.”

“Oh, go to hell,” he said playfully. Sam winked at him. Josh’s cheeks flushed, which he could totally blame on the alcohol, and he glanced around, checking to see if anyone was watching their exchange. Those near them seemed to be engrossed in their own conversations. He leaned in close to Sam, his lips dangerously close to his ear. “Dance with me?”

Sam furrowed his eyebrows as Josh pulled away. “You know we can’t—”

Josh cut him off by tugging lightly at his sleeve and guiding him away from the crowd. He found them a small alcove, away from prying eyes but close enough that they could still hear the noise of the party.

“Dance with me,” he repeated. Sam smiled now, and nodded, wrapping his arms around Josh’s neck. Josh settled his hands on Sam’s hips and they swayed softly to the music. Sam rested his head on Josh’s shoulder, his warm breath sending shivers down Josh’s spine. He pressed a soft kiss to Sam’s temple.

They stayed like that, silently, savoring the few precious moments they had before they risked getting caught or having their absences noticed by the people inside. Josh closed his eyes, letting everything fall away except for Sam and the distant sound of the music. A slow song was playing, perfect for a dance, and his chest burned at the thought of all the happy couples in there, men and women, who had the privilege of being seen together without worrying about the reactions of the press, of the President, of the American public. Half of him wanted to grab Sam by the hand and return to the party, dance with him and not care about the consequences, not be afraid to kiss him in front of hundreds of guests. He hated feeling like their relationship was a dirty secret. Like they weren’t good enough, not because of their positions or credentials or public standings, but simply because they were both men. The world was a cruel place. But as much as they wanted him to be, Josh could never be forced into being ashamed of his feelings for Sam.

“I love you,” he whispered into Sam’s hair, his heart skipping a beat as the words came out. He tightened his grip on either side of Sam’s waist, wanting to keep him there forever. Sam lifted his head and looked up at Josh, pretty blue eyes glinting in the dim light.

“What?”

Josh gulped, more nervous now than he had been before. Sam’s gaze was intense. When he spoke again, it was barely above a whisper; even despite the fact that they were completely alone, he was afraid of anyone but Sam hearing. “I love you.”

Sam smiled and leaned in, pressing a soft, quick kiss to Josh’s lips, then pulled away and glanced around to make sure they were still the only ones in the vicinity. “I love you, too.”

Josh closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Sam’s. Sam moved his hand to Josh’s jaw, fingers brushing feather-light across his skin. Josh hummed quietly. Sam’s touch pushed away all of his anxieties about the situation. If the building suddenly caught on fire and began burning down around them, he thought he would still feel relaxed, so long as Sam’s hands stayed on him.

“I love you,” he murmured again, “so much.”

“I love you, baby.” He tapped his finger underneath Josh’s ear and kissed him lightly. Josh sighed against his lips.

“You look incredible, by the way.” He kissed the corner of Sam’s mouth, then along his jaw. Sam let out a quiet, breathy moan as Josh’s lips brushed across his pulse point.

“You do, too,” he murmured, tilting his head slightly. “We should probably get back. They’re gonna notice we’re gone.” Josh groaned quietly and shook his head, gripping Sam’s hips tightly. Sam hummed. “Babe, c’mon.”

“No,” he muttered stubbornly.

“Josh.”

“Samuel.”

“Oh, don’t pull the _Samuel_ card on me, Joshua.”

“I’ll do whatever I want, Samuel.”

Sam rolled his eyes, but there was no menace behind it. “You won’t, actually.”

He moved his hands to Josh’s arms and pushed him away. Josh pouted. Sam smiled and kissed him once more before walking away, back into the party. Josh sighed defeatedly and followed, dragging his feet only a little.

Marbury still had Leo trapped in conversation, but by some miracle, Leo didn’t look as miserable as usual. Josh smirked, catching his glance and raising an eyebrow. Leo shrugged, barely noticeable, but Josh considered it a victory. Maybe Marbury’s flirting wasn’t as hopeless as Josh had believed. Besides, Josh was pretty sure that Leo’s “hatred” for Marbury was exactly the opposite, whether the Chief of Staff realized it or not. He hadn’t had a date in way too long. An eccentric British lord was certainly one way to jump back into the pool. Who knew, maybe one day Leo would even thank Josh. The chances were slim, but he could dream.

Having lost Sam in the crowd, he wandered around by himself for a while. Donna was chatting with a woman off to the side of the dance floor, and she sent Josh a small smile. He nodded to her and kept moving, not wanting to intrude on her conversation.

The President got up to give some final remarks and wish everyone goodnight, and after a round of applause, the guests took their cue to gather their things and leave. Josh leaned against a table and waited as the room cleared out. The musicians finally stopped, and besides the effects of the champagne, his head felt much clearer. Soon the only people left were waiters and a few White House staffers. Sam was still talking to one of the communications assistants, and Josh went to grab their things out of his office. He slung his bag over his shoulder, carrying Sam’s briefcase to the lobby. Sam joined him after a moment and smiled apologetically as he took his things.

“Sorry, got caught up.”

“Don’t worry about it.” They walked out together, keeping a respectable amount of distance between their bodies. The building was empty enough that, most likely, no one would have caught them if they had risked holding hands, but there was always the tiny possibility that scared them into keeping the separation. They got into a car and headed to Sam’s apartment. During the ride, Josh undid his tie and the first two buttons of his shirt, grateful when he finally felt able to breathe normally. His day-to-day work clothes didn’t bother him, but his black tie shirts and bowties were always just slightly too constricting to be comfortable, especially after an attack. He popped his collar up and pulled his tie off, wrapping it around his hand before slipping it into his pocket.

He managed to wait until they were inside to wrap his arms around Sam and plaster himself against his back, clasping his hands over Sam’s stomach. Sam placed his hands over Josh’s and squeezed lightly. He was familiar enough with this behavior that it didn’t even faze him; he continued his routine as usual even with a sleepy, clingy Josh placing kisses on the back of his neck.

Sam still had a record player, one that he had purchased with his own money when he was a teenager (a fact that he was very proud of), and he carefully selected a vinyl record from his shelf and started playing it. Josh smiled as Elvis’ voice came through the speakers.

“My dad would’ve liked your music taste,” he murmured. Noah would’ve liked Sam, period. They had only met once, long before Sam was working at Gage Whitney and Josh for Hoynes, when they had still been young and stupid, fresh out of law school, and Josh’s parents came down to visit him in D.C. for a weekend. Josh wished that Noah could see them now. He hoped that he would be proud.

“I got mine from my dad. He was a massive Elvis fan. A good percentage of the records I have used to be his.” Sam gently loosened Josh’s grip and turned around to face him. “You wanna get out of these suits?” Josh nodded, following Sam to his bedroom.

They both removed their suits, and Sam hung the clothes up in his closet. Josh grabbed two t-shirts from Sam’s dresser and tossed one to Sam. One thing he greatly appreciated about being in a relationship with a guy was how easy it was to share clothes. At some point, their casual wardrobes had become almost interchangeable, and every once in a while, Josh found himself pulling on a dress shirt that was just a little bit tighter than usual. He especially loved when Sam wore his clothes (he protested, usually, accusing Sam of theft, but Sam knew he could get away with it whenever he wanted, and he looked so good in Yale Law School sweatshirts that Josh never complained for long). Once they were both comfortable in shirts and boxers, Sam headed back to the kitchen, Josh trailing behind and half pretending not to be checking him out.

“Do you want something to drink? I’ve got some tea in here.”

Josh laughed quietly, and Sam glanced at him, confused. “Sorry. That just reminded me of Marbury. Yeah, I could go for tea.”

“Oh, yeah. He was definitely cheerful tonight.” Sam grabbed two mugs from his cupboard and filled them with water, then placed one in the microwave.

“I might’ve accidentally on purpose helped him flirt with Leo.” Josh rummaged through the pantry until he found the box of tea bags. He handed two to Sam. “It’s weird, but kind of… I dunno.” He shrugged.

“I’m sure Leo will appreciate it.”

“Maybe.” Josh pushed Sam against the counter and kissed him slowly. “I love you.”

Sam smiled. “I love you, too.” He retrieved the first mug from the microwave and replaced it with the other, then dropped a tea bag into the now warm water and handed it to Josh. “What, ah, what made you say it?”

He pursed his lips as he considered it. “I don’t know. It just felt right.”

“I’m glad you did, because I’ve been holding that in for months.”

Josh furrowed his eyebrows. “You could’ve told me, you know.”

“I didn’t want to freak you out.”

“Babe, we’ve been together for almost a year.”

“ _Officially_ together.”

“Oh, fuck off.” He smiled and grabbed the sugar from the cabinet to add to his tea, then retrieved a spoon and stirred some in.

“Hey, if all those nights really meant nothing to you…”

“You know they didn’t mean nothing.” He pulled Sam in with his free hand and kissed his cheek. “I was just relieved when you finally asked me out on a real date.”

“What, you didn’t enjoy our friends with benefits arrangement?”

“I _did_ , but I’m enjoying this even more.” Josh kissed down his jaw. “Plus, now I get to tell you I love you. Couldn’t do that before. Anyway, you could have told me. Just ‘cause _I’m_ an idiot incapable of normal human emotions doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be, too.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

“And you love me for it.” He smiled.

Sam grabbed his mug from the microwave and set about making his own tea. They sat in silence for a few moments, sipping their beverages and enjoying each other’s company and the soft sound of Elvis coming from the living room. The song changed, and Josh perked up. He set his mug down on the counter and reached for Sam’s hand.

“Dance with me?” he asked softly.

Sam nodded and placed his drink down, taking Josh’s hand and letting him pull him into the other room. They returned to the same position they had been in earlier that night, with Sam’s arms on Josh’s shoulders and Josh’s wrapped around Sam’s waist. They swayed slowly, Josh humming along to the music. Sam closed his eyes, and as Josh looked down at him, his breath caught in his throat.

_For I can’t help falling in love with you…_

Josh kissed Sam’s forehead, letting his lips linger for a second. They didn’t have to worry here, didn’t have to think about someone seeing them, didn’t have to hide. The world outside the safety of their apartments was terrifying, but when he was alone with Sam, Josh tried not to think about it too much. Whatever could happen to them beyond the front door didn’t matter. All that mattered was Sam: Sam leaning against him, his body heat seeping through the thin fabric of their shirts; Sam’s soft breath against his neck, sending shivers down his back and causing his heartbeat to quicken; Sam’s hair tickling his cheek. Josh let his eyes close, forgetting everything except Sam and the music.

As the song ended, they stopped swaying, but Josh wasn’t ready to let go yet. Their tea would get cold. He didn’t mind. Microwaves existed for a reason. Drinks could be reheated, but moments like these were hard to come by.

“Sam,” he whispered.

“I love you,” was the response. Sam lifted his head to look at Josh before kissing him firmly, arms tightening. Josh pulled him in closer, if that was possible, kissing him back with subtle desperation.

Other men had their vices. Drinking, smoking, cheating on their wives. It was next to impossible to get through life, especially a career in politics, without something to take the edge off. Josh had tried other things, but nothing ever stuck. He had slipped into drinking when he was younger, but managed to get out before falling into the trap. He had only smoked once or twice in his life, and found that it wasn’t for him. He wasn’t the type to turn to drugs (his mother had traumatized him to the point where he was scared to even _look_ at a joint, much less anything more intense), and he was pretty much incapable of one-night stands. If someone had asked, and if Josh had been vulnerable enough to answer, he would have admitted that Sam was his vice. Sam, with his smile and laugh and brains and determination and passion. Sam, with a million ideas and as many ways to put them down on paper, to pull at your heartstrings or stoke a fire or call you to action. Sam, with his gentle kisses and light touches that left you craving more, more, _more_. Sam, who had Josh hooked from the first glance, who was to Josh as a shot was to an alcoholic or a hit of nicotine to a smoker or a woman in a club to an adulterer. Sam, who held Josh’s heart in his hands.

The song faded out and the next began. Sam stepped back.

“Our drinks are gonna be cold,” he said quietly, heading back into the kitchen. Josh followed.

The tea was still warm enough to be considered a hot drink, and he quickly finished his. Sam rinsed out their empty mugs and set them in the sink, then returned to the living room. He turned off the record player and slipped the vinyl back into its sleeve, placing it carefully on the shelf. Josh turned off the lights and they both got ready for bed, brushing their teeth before heading into Sam’s bedroom. Sam pulled off his t-shirt, and Josh stared until Sam lightly punched his arm. They slid into bed, and Sam sat up against the pillows, then turned on the lamp on his bedside table. He picked up the book that had been sitting on the table and flipped to a dog-eared page.

Josh smiled softly, sliding closer and laying his arm across Sam’s waist. Sam rested one hand on top of Josh’s head, running his fingers through his hair. Josh hummed and cuddled in.

“I love you,” he whispered. Sam bent over to kiss his forehead.

“Love you too. Get some sleep.”

“You, too.”

“I will in a bit. Don’t worry about me.”

“I always worry about you.”

“Okay, cheesy.” Sam smiled. “G’night, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight.” He closed his eyes and let the comforting sound of Sam breathing and the feeling of Sam’s fingers in his hair lull him to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from the mitski song (bc i love naming my fics after songs). hope y'all enjoy more soft cute boys in love because it's what we deserved. leave kudos and comments and follow my twitter @samuelseaborn


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